The Samurai, the Demon and the Ruffian
by Leena Tauros
Summary: Sanosuke, Kenshin and Ryoko meet again after 5 years, and well........ read on to find out. Humor found in Omake. mwah. Love yall. . Ryoko
1. no name

Two weirdly dressed up guys walk into a bar in Del-Oro bay, in the mountainous area. The bar is filled with many drunks and gamblers, but the two guys go for the area where they sit and order drinks. As they sit down, they look at their neighbor. She is a young woman, probably still in her late teens, with black hair and red fiery eyes. She doesn't seem to notice them, as she sucks at her sake bottle. The tall guy with spiky hair and a "bad" sign on the back of his shirt (hey, Kuro that's you!), taps the girl on the shoulder. The other guy, with long red spiky hair and an X-shaped scar on his cheek (that's you mah' man Joey!) watches from the corner of his eye.  
  
Sanosuke: hey there Ryoko.  
  
Kenshin: why hello there, miss Ryoko. We didn't expect to find you of all people here, that we didn't.  
  
The girl appears to be startled, and she chokes on her sake.  
  
Ryoko: *coughing* hey guys! Wow! This is a great surprise!   
  
Sanosuke brings his hand to tap her on the back but she stares him down and the message he gets is that she doesn't want him to touch her.   
  
Ryoko: *stops coughing* What are you doing all the way out here? Did you come all the way here to see me?  
  
Sanosuke: *blushes* well... hehe...  
  
Kenshin: well you see here Ryoko, we are looking for a bounty hunter, that we are.  
  
Sanosuke: Kenshin! That's no way to greet and old friend! Of course we did, Ryoko.  
  
Ryoko: figures. *folds her arms and mumbles incoherently*  
  
Kenshin: ^.^' I'm sorry Ryo, but do you know of any bounty hunter by the name of...  
  
Ryoko: *puts up her hand for him to stop* Stop right there. Sorry, but I don't do bounty hunters. Besides, even if I did, I wouldn't tell you anyway. *sticks out her tongue at him* nyah.  
  
Kenshin: *looks sideways at him* she's always upset you dope.  
  
Sanosuke: KENSHIN!!!!!!!!!! THS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!! NOW SHES ALL MAD AT US!!!! *shoves him out of the way* this is how you treat a lady!  
  
Ryoko: um... uh... that's not what I meant, Sano.  
  
Sanosuke: *heart-eyed and love struck* "SHE CALLED ME SANO!!!"  
  
Ryoko: *turns to Kenshin* as I told u before, I don't do bounty hunters.  
  
Kenshin: what do you mean by "not do"?   
  
Ryoko: I have a pretty large sum of money on my head, remember?   
  
*Kenshin scratches his head*   
  
Kenshin: yeah, I guess that's true, isn't it.  
  
Sanosuke: *heart-eyed* "SHE CALLED ME SANO!!!!"  
  
The waiter brings them their drinks.  
  
*Kenshin holds up his sake glass*   
  
Kenshin: lets drink to us!  
  
Sanosuke: *snaps out of his daydream* OK!!!!  
  
Ryoko: *lazily* fine.  
  
The three clink their glasses together and with a sickening crash, their glasses become a mess of falling glass shards.  
  
*Everyone in the bar freezes to look at them*  
  
Ryoko: man, I tell you... I haven't done that in a long, long time... But it felt good.  
  
Sanosuke: I almost forgot this ritual, y'know?  
  
Kenshin: *waving at the people* HI!!!! Gomen nesai, for the glasses. It was an accident. (NOT)  
  
Ryoko and Sanosuke: that was so not obvious.  
  
Kenshin: *sweat drops*  
  
They are interrupted by a tall cloaked person who slams the door open as they walk in.  
  
*Ryoko watches them from the corner of her eyes*  
  
Tall Cloaked Person: *ordering drinks* *rasping* a bloody Mary, and make it snappy.  
  
Kenshin, Sanosuke and Ryoko are all quiet, drinking their sake patiently. The stranger looks around, and his gaze focuses on first Sanosuke and Kenshin, then to the glassy mess on the table, then on Ryoko.  
  
Tall Cloaked Person: *smirks audibly but keeps on staring at Ryoko*  
  
*Ryoko returns the stare back, undaunted and fearless*  
  
Ryoko: *smirks even more audibly and stands up*  
  
*Kenshin and Sanosuke stand up at the same time*  
  
Ryoko, Sanosuke, and Kenshin: Excuse us.  
  
The Tall Cloaked Person watches them go. Then, while no one is watching, he throws a knife in Ryoko's back. Ryoko catches it with her hand without bothering to turn around, and returns it, with a sickening crash, into the back of the Tall Cloaked Person.  
  
Ryoko: *walks out calmly as though nothing happened*  
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke: *thinking* what was all that about???  
  
Ryoko sticks her hands in her pockets, and without a word, beckons them to follow her.  
  
---10 minutes later---  
  
Kenshin: Ryoko?..?  
  
Ryoko: so u see... my exact point about bounty hunters.  
  
Sanosuke: I see... that dart was meant for you.  
  
Ryoko: so now you WILL tell me what you wanted to know before.  
  
End of Episode #1.  
  
::cheap credits, but a nice ending theme::  
  
Sanosuke: in the next episode of this... this... what do you call this thing again??? WHAT?!?!? THE AUTHOR DIDN'T NAME IT??!?! This is lame. Anyways, in the next episode, Ryoko falls madly in love with me and we *goes heart-eyed* go off to prepare for our wedding... *slam. bash. clunk. etc.* OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!????! *turns around and sees Ryoko pointing a bazooka at him* ok, ok... So in the next episode, Ryoko will tell us why she has a price on her head, and we'll tell her who we came looking for. BO-RING! *Ryoko jabs him with the bazooka* Ok, OK!!! And I sincerely hope for the sake of the stupid author, he better name this... this... aww... what do you call it again???? Next Episode #2. WHAT?!?!?! IT DOESN'T HAVE A NAME EITHER???? LET ME AT THAT AUTHOR!!!! GRRRRRR!!! Ok, then I'll name it. Sanosuke's and Ryoko's secret love life. *BAM* OWWWWWWW!!!! 


	2. ooo this one actually got a name: oogles

Part #2 of:: TA-DAH!!! The Author decided to give this... this... uh...well anyway, its now called... *drum roll*  
  
THE SAMURAI, THE DEMON, AND THE RUFFIAN  
  
AND SO on to part #2  
  
Ryoko: so you are going to tell me NOW what is the real reason came here.  
  
Kenshin: nothing can escape you, Ryoko. Oh, awright. I'll tell you. Two months ago, a bounty hunter by the name of Sanga, came into our village and easily defeated my apprentice and friend Maki and Kaoru.  
  
Sanosuke: not just that, but also after defeating them he knocked them around for a bit, and... well he asked many interesting questions. Kaoru refused to say anything, and he tortured her.  
  
Ryoko: what damage...?  
  
Kenshin: lets just say that she won't be able to teach for a while.  
  
Sanosuke: the more important thing is what are some things he got out of Kaoru.   
  
Ryoko: *tenses up* what kind of questions?  
  
Kenshin: he asked about me, my past, and Sano and his past. The much, much more interesting part was that he mentioned of all people, YOU.  
  
Ryoko: *suspiciously* so...? What does this have to do with me?  
  
Sanosuke: well, *scratches the back of his head* he asked YOUR whereabouts, and about YOUR past also...  
  
Kenshin: Ryoko...  
  
Ryoko: *turns away from them* I told you. I've got a bounty on my head. So it doesn't seem all that strange to me. Besides, you are my old buddies and many people know that. This incident was of a bounty hunter trying to get information about me from my old allies.  
  
Kenshin: that's not all. Maki was given a warning. *Ryoko perks up* something about that if he had trouble finding you, he'd be back.  
  
Ryoko: ...  
  
Sanosuke: so now it all makes sense.   
  
Ryoko: *angrily* did you get a name?   
  
Kenshin: *hangs his head* no. I told you that we weren't there.  
  
Ryoko: and you two idiots happily bounded over here to find me. Right?   
  
Sanosuke: jeez, you didn't have to be so hard...  
  
Ryoko: don't you morons realize that you left Maki UNPROTECTED?!?!?!?  
  
Kenshin: hey, don't forget Kaoru...  
  
Sanosuke: now you worry?  
  
Ryoko: don't you understand that the bounty hunter might have followed you here? I mean I don't care about myself, I'll take him on anyway, but he's got you in a corner now. Bounty hunters tend to play dirty, you know. He's got you by your weakness.  
  
Sanosuke: well I've never thought of it that way...  
  
Ryoko: GAH! You two are complete infidels!!! Now Maki is completely unprotected and you are vulnerable to BLACKMAIL AND MANIPULATON!!!  
  
Kenshin: hey, aren't you in the same situation?? And what about Kaoru?  
  
Ryoko: *hits him on the head* no I'm not. And I could care less about Kaoru.  
  
Sanosuke: hey, now guys... let back up a second. Ryoko, may I ask a personal question?  
  
Ryoko: I don't see why not. Even if I said no, then you'd still ask me. Lay it on me.  
  
Sanosuke: ^_^' why do you have a bounty on your head???  
  
Ryoko tenses up and folds her arms against her chest.  
  
Ryoko: Sano. You know how I hate talking about the past, right? Well, sorry to break it to you, but this falls into the category of my past, you know?  
  
Sanosuke: *eyes glittering* SHE CALLED ME SANO!!!!!  
  
Kenshin: all the same, Ryoko... we're dying to know.  
  
Ryoko: Kenshin? Wow, I'm surprised that you don't know...   
  
Sanosuke: *in a total daydream* SHE CALLED ME SANO!!!!!  
  
Ryoko: *sighs* well, awright. But if you get killed for knowing the truth, it isn't going to be my fault.  
  
*Sanosuke snaps out of his daydream to listen*  
  
Ryoko: many years ago, I was a bloodthirsty and arrogant young demon. It was just about the time you were Battosai the Manslayer, Kenshin. I killed many men. I believed that I was completely invincible, which was partially true. No human could lay a hand on me, once I started fighting. So out came the WANTED posters, and a huge reward was placed on my pretty little head. The problem was, no one could ever get close enough to even touch me. So after a while, I started to get cocky. Time passed, and I went and found my half-human brother. Although he isn't as strong as I am, he is strong enough to defend himself. I admit, he is my weakness. Because of him, I was put into a situation similar to the one today. A traitor captured my little brother, and demanded that I give up. If this had happened a little while before, I would have killed them both. But, although I'm ashamed to admit it, I grew fond of the little kid. So I, for the first time in my life gave myself up, to save him. But of course, I was tricked. As soon as I let the traitor take me, he ordered his hidden men to kill my brother. To say the least, I murdered as many men that night, as I slayed my entire life. After that, I became known as the Fire Demon Beast, and my brother and I chose to live apart. You see that is why I don't do bounty hunters.  
  
Sanosuke: ...  
  
Kenshin: I never knew...  
  
Sanosuke: *with an innocent kid look* *raises his hand* um, Ryoko, who was the traitor?  
  
Ryoko: he was a demon. One that I knew long ago... we used to be allies.   
  
Kenshin: so naturally he knew all about you.  
  
Ryoko: yes. And demons aren't supposed to go against each other to give themselves up to humans.  
  
Sanosuke: so what happened to your brother? Is he alive?  
  
Ryoko: I think it is best if I didn't know.   
  
End of Episode #2  
  
::cheap credits, but a nice ending theme::  
  
Sanosuke: Ah, the end. Now time for Sanosuke's summary of the day. Today, Ryoko called me Sano, again...*sighs dreamily* Oh yeah. And by the way the author gave the story a name. Wow. What a surprise. I'm going to see if I can find my sweetie. Kenshin, take over.   
  
Kenshin: Hi there, my name is Kenshin; I was Battosai the Manslayer right about the time of Ryoko's crazy days. I like tofu, ramen noodles, hot baths in hot springs, and watching the moon at night...   
  
Ryoko: Kenshin! Cut the crap, will you? Its all nice and all, but the people want to hear about the next episode, ya know? Jeez, I gotta start doing these myself. *leaves*  
  
Kenshin: OK, ok... so in the next episode Ryoko tells us who her brother is and *starts whispering* I'm not supposed to tell you this, but Sano sneaks into the bathroom while Ryoko bathes, and he gets his head blown off. *looks around nervously* heh-heh... *Ryoko's voice screaming* EEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! SANOSUKE!!!!!!!!!!! IM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!   
  
Kenshin: heheh. I told you. 


	3. oodles

Episode #3: Snow and Towels Falling on Cedars and Floors  
  
Note from editor: Snow falling on cedars was a 1980's Japanese movie that is still playing in many theaters. The author and myself watched it quite a couple of times. I recommend it. - editor  
  
... although the title of this episode has nothing to do with its contents... but it sounds so cool!!!! *goes heart-eyed and drools* anyways... - author   
  
and so.... ON WITH THE STORY.  
  
Sanosuke: so what happened to your brother? Is he alive?  
  
Ryoko: I think it is best if I didn't know.   
  
Sanosuke: so who exactly is your brother?  
  
Kenshin: let me guess... hmm... Maki, right?  
  
Ryoko: *wide-eyed* how'd you know? I never told anyone.  
  
Sanosuke: well... he does look a little like her... something about the eyes and that certain cuteness that gets me all happy...  
  
Ryoko: *goes red in the face* DID YOU JUST CALL ME CUTE????? DEMONS LIKE ME ARE EVERYTHING BUT CUTE!!!!!!!  
  
Sanosuke: heheh...  
  
Kenshin: ^_^ well, I think that what Sano is trying to say is that you two look alike.  
  
Ryoko: *yawns* This has sapped my strength. I think I'm going to go home and sleep. *stretches and starts walking away*  
  
Kenshin: umm... Ryoko?  
  
Ryoko: what is it now?  
  
Sanosuke: well, we don't have any place to go to, and we're also famished and exhausted.  
  
Ryoko: what are you implying?  
  
Kenshin: um... well, only that maybe we can... STAY AT YOUR PLACE???? *eyes flash in a very un-Kenshin-like way* *Kenshin grows red horns and teeth and a red pitchfork appears in his hand and he glows all over with a red aura*   
  
Ryoko: *grabs her heart and falls over in shock* *the scenery switches to a moon lit sky and Ryoko's tears flow like waterfalls*  
  
*Ryoko twitches on the floor like she's dying* at... my... place...? *emits choking noises* do you know... what that means...?  
  
Sanosuke: *pinches himself like he's dreaming* will you guys cut the drama? Geez, you guys are complete idiots...  
  
Ryoko: ok! *the scenery switches back to a sunset and Ryoko gets up like nothing's happened* follow me.  
  
Sanosuke: what was all that about???  
  
Kenshin: oh, don't worry. Ryoko and I like to play like that a little. We need humor in our lives, ya know?  
  
Sanosuke: sheesh... idiots.  
  
They arrive at Ryoko's place and she shows them around. After a good take-out dinner, (cuz the readers all ready know, that the famous fire demon Ryoko can do anything in the world, except cook and look after kids... or did I forget to mention that little fact..........? - author. *bam* YOU KEEP WRITING! - editor)  
  
Ryoko: you guys should know one thing though. My brother also goes by the name of Koga. If you hear anything about him, you better tell me. *yawns* I'm pooped. Good night everybody. *falls asleep* *snores like a bear*  
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke: ... ^.^   
  
Sanosuke: *covers her with a blanket* sleep well, Ryoko.  
  
Kenshin: Sano, lets take a walk.  
  
*****outside*****  
  
Kenshin: so, what do you think?  
  
Sanosuke: ... Maki is her brother, huh?  
  
Kenshin: I know, it seemed just as farfetched to me at first. But when you think of what Ryoko is... well... all you can do is believe it.   
  
Sanosuke: so explain this to me... Maki, or should I say Koga, is a wolf demon.   
  
Kenshin: HALF-wolf demon.  
  
Sanosuke: fine. Half. But Ryoko's a fire demon.  
  
Kenshin: It just means that Ryoko is 'forbidden child in her family'.  
  
Sanosuke: do demons even HAVE families? And what does 'forbidden child' mean?  
  
Kenshin: Ryoko is a fire demon born to a race of wolf demons. I remember someone had told me that before, but I just can't remember who.  
  
Sanosuke: oh well. We'll talk about this later than, k? Lets go back and sleep.  
  
Kenshin: *yawns* awright. Lets.  
  
End of Episode #3  
  
::cheap credits, but a nice ending theme::  
  
Ryoko: Hey everybody, its your favorite fire demon here. In the next episode of A Samurai, a Demon and a Ruffian, I, (with the two idiots on my tail) will face off a bounty hunter, by the name of Nagi. She's been following me ever since I robbed my first bank. Bummer. She's going to get her ass kicked, you can be sure of it!!! Hahah!!! See you later then!!!  
  
Sanosuke: hey, I haven't given this title much thought, but, am I supposed to be the ruffian? I mean Ryoko's the demon, and Kenshin is the samurai, so... I AM SUPPOSED TO BE THE RUFFIAN??!?? HOW DARE SHE!!! LET ME AT THAT STPID AUTHOR!!!! GRAR!!!  
  
Kenshin: oh, SANOOOOO!!! Its time for the OMAKE!!!   
  
Omake theater (well everybody, I expect you don't know what omake means, but you don't need to. From now, every episode will have an omake, a lil' episode that happens off the set, and has nothing to do with the story itself. But let me warn all you 13-year olds and down! It might get a little too hot for your tastes. SO BUG OFF YOU LITTLE TEENY BOPPERS!!!!!! - author)  
  
Ryoko is wearing nothing but a towel and is chasing Sanosuke. She is screaming and carrying a big-ass tub over her head, ready to throw at Sanosuke. Kenshin is running after Ryoko, trying to calm her down, but obviously failing, blushing and sweat dropping.  
  
Ryoko: *throws 10 bars of soap at Sanosuke, hitting him on the head* SANOSUKE!!!! YOU ARE GOING TO PAY!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! *eyes flash*  
  
Sanosuke: *running and screaming* AAAAAARRRRRRHHHHHHGGGGG!!!!!!!!! KENSHIN HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kenshin: *running behind Ryoko* Sorry old buddy, but I don't want to get on the wrong side of the demon!!! You know how she gets when she's mad!!! I'll just try to calm her down from here!!!  
  
Sanosuke: that's not going to help!!!  
  
Ryoko: SANOSUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU DOG!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kenshin grows a pair and grabs Ryoko by the first thing he can get at to stop her from getting at Sanosuke....................................................................................  
  
...........................................which just conveniently happens to be Ryoko's towel.  
  
Of course, it flutters off, and Ryoko freezes for a moment, which ends after the towel hits the floor.  
  
Ryoko: *reddens and drops the tub* GAH!!!!! NOT YOU TOO!!! YOU IDIOT!!!!!  
  
Kenshin: GAH!!!!! @.@ oooooh.   
  
Ryoko: *snatches up the towel and runs to her room*  
  
Kenshin stands there gawking. Sanosuke steps from around the corner and whispers to Kenshin.   
  
Sanosuke: come on, before she gets back. *both run away* 


	4. hmm im really bad at naming chapters so

Episode #4: Rivals  
  
The next morning, Ryoko is the first to wake up.   
  
Ryoko: *stretches and yawns* Aw, jeez. What the hell time is it? *looks around and sees Kenshin and Sanosuke all over the floor and snoring* Aw, JEEZ.  
  
Ryoko stands up and walks around, staggering and bumping into things.   
  
Ryoko: aw, JEEZ.  
  
Suddenly, everything starts to shake. The walls shudder and the windows break. The guys wake up, frightened.  
  
Kenshin: @.@ MOMMY DON'T DROP ME ON MY HEAD!!!!! NOOO!!!  
  
Sanosuke: Gah!!! Ryoko no!!!! *.*'  
  
Ryoko: umm, Sano, just WHAT were you dreaming about? *more quakes*   
  
Sanosuke: um... uh... what is that???  
  
Ryoko: OK, tell me later, but what's going on?  
  
Kenshin: I feel a very high level of spirit energy.  
  
Ryoko: I'll be right back. *runs into her room and changes quickly into her black ninja dress and her black leather gauntlets and foot ribbons and runs out*  
  
Sanosuke: *drools* waa... na...na...  
  
The earth shakes again but more urgently.  
  
Ryoko: LETS GO!  
  
All three of them file out of the house. Ryoko looks around and stops, paralyzed. Kenshin and Sanosuke run up behind her and have to stop suddenly not to hit Ryoko, so they run into each other and fall over in a heap.  
  
Ryoko: *stops staring and gets into a defensive stance and her eyes fire up* what are YOU doing there?  
  
The two guys look up and saw a female figure with a sword. She is wearing a short black cloak, hiding her face.  
  
The Cloaked woman: hm. Well why do you think I'm here?  
  
Ryoko: *showing the deepest signs of loathing* Nagi.   
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke: *clueless* Nagi?  
  
Nagi: Ryoko. *smirks* nice to see YOU again. Healthy and enthusiastic as usual, I see.  
  
Ryoko: hm. *relaxes and smiles, but its an angry, violent smile* you as well. How is that wound I gave you through your stomach the last time you followed me?  
  
Nagi: *narrows her eyes* its fine, thanks for asking.  
  
Sanosuke: I'm sensing some hostility here. Ryoko?  
  
Ryoko: stay out of this you two. This is my fight.  
  
Nagi: who said anyone about fight? I just came here to talk.  
  
Ryoko: oh, drop the fake friendliness. By the way guys. This is Nagi. She is a bounty hunter, who has been after me since I robbed my first bank, on Jurai.  
  
Nagi: *chuckles* you can even say that she's my main squeeze. But we've been together even before that. In school Ryoko and I were enemies of the worst kind.  
  
Ryoko: *smirks* we hated each other so passionately, that we became the most extreme rivals in history of Jurai.  
  
Sanosuke: *stares*  
  
Kenshin: well Sano, it looks like you might have competition for Ryoko here.  
  
Sanosuke: @.@ noooooo!!! Ryoko isn't that kind of girl!  
  
Ryoko: so lets do this Nagi.  
  
Nagi: hm, fine.  
  
The wind picks up and Nagi's cloak blows off. She has long blue hair, and red eyes like Ryoko's, but there is no fire in them. She is wearing a tight black body suit, with yellow stripes that look like scratches. Ryoko gets into a defensive stance, while Nagi flaunts her sword at Ryoko's face. Ryoko jumps and does a flip backwards.   
  
Kenshin: she isn't going to use a sword?  
  
Sanosuke: no, she prefers fighting Sanosuke-style, using her fists and martial arts skills. But she can use a sword remember?  
  
Kenshin: yes, that's how we fought. But what's going on here?  
  
Ryoko is doing a series of flips and handstands backwards to avoid Nagi's attacks. She is really working hard to do it. Nagi is pushing her back.  
  
Sanosuke: what's going on? Is Ryoko... losing? Is that even possible? Kenshin? Helloo??? *waves his hand in front of Kenshin's face* Earth to KENSHIN!!!  
  
Kenshin: I think know what she's doing... she's luring Nagi into a false sense of security. It's a strategy, but I don't think Nagi will fall for it. She knows Ryoko too much.  
  
Ryoko stops the antics and jumps forward and way over Nagi.  
  
Nagi: well, Ryoko. Nice moves, maybe you should try out for the circus.  
  
Ryoko: *wipes at her mouth* mmm... lets see now if you change your mind.   
  
End of episode #4  
  
::cheap credits, but a nice ending theme::  
  
Sanosuke: hey everybody, Sanosuke here. In the next episode of A Samurai, a Demon, and the Ruffian, (I still cant get over the ruffian part) Ryoko will show off her great awesome moves. *goes heart eyed* Ahhhh. She will defeat all foes and crush all enemies. Later days!  
  
Kenshin: now this is one omake I don't want to do.  
  
Omake Theater   
  
After one minute, Ryoko comes out fully dressed and indignant, her arms folded.   
  
Ryoko: *looks around and pouts* hn. Those two are going to pay, just as soon as I find them.  
  
Meanwhile, Kenshin and Sanosuke are hiding under some bushes, shaking.  
  
Sano: *teeth chattering* thanks old bud. I thought my ass was gone back there.  
  
Kenshin: *sweat drops* no problem. But I'd rather not do it any time too soon again. She's going to kill us.  
  
Sanosuke: don't worry about it.  
  
Kenshin: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT?!?!?!? I WAZ THE ONE TO PULL THE THING OFF!!!! SHES GOING TO TORTURE ME TILL I DIE IN A FIRE!!!!!!!!   
  
A dark figure looms up from behind them.  
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke: GYAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!!!!  
  
The dark figure wavers and comes out into the light. The two guys start shaking like crazy. When nothing happens, they look up and see a squirrel on Kenshin's head.   
  
Both: phew.  
  
Another dark figure looms behind them, but they don't seem to notice. They keep laughing. Kenshin tenses up and stops laughing. All of a sudden, the whole hiding place explodes. Kenshin and Sanosuke are seen flying through the air screaming. 


	5. yep very bad

Episode #5: The Fight  
  
Foreword  
  
Author: hello everybody, it's THE WRITER here. Sorry that it took so long for the part #5 to come out, but this writer was overwhelmed with.........stuff. Anyways we decided to make the stories more... eh... animated, for all you loyal fans out there. So tell me what you think. Editor: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO KEEP WRITING!!! *SMECK* *fake girly scream* Author: *in a small voice* ok... and so one to part #5.  
  
Nagi: well, Ryoko. Nice moves, really, maybe you should try out for the circus.  
  
Ryoko: *wipes at her mouth* mmm... lets see now if you change your mind. *looks at Kenshin pointedly* Kenshin, sword please.  
  
Kenshin strikes up a defensive stance and shields his sword like a little kid who doesn't want to give away his candy.   
  
Kenshin: get your own, you sword-hogger! I know the way you fight, and I am not going to give you my sword!  
  
Ryoko falls and sweat drops.  
  
Sanosuke: I think she meant this, dimwit. *puts a hand in Kenshin's hair up to his elbow* hmm... I know its in here somewhere... *throws out a couple of throwing knives and shuriken* nope, not this. *moves his hand around and brings out a big-ass pile of books* Hey! Make-out paradise #101-150!!! May I borrow these Kenshin??? Ok, ok. *sticks his hand back in and throws out a scythe blade and a pike* not this either. *sticks his other hand in there too* OW!!!!!!!! I'm okay. Just a flesh wound. Is this it Ryoko? *pulls out a red katana with flames engraved on its hilt and blade*  
  
Nagi: *scratches the back of her head* jeez, idiots...  
  
All the while Kenshin is standing there blushing, embarrassed.  
  
Ryoko: that's the one Sano! Throw it to me.  
  
Sanosuke: SHE CALLED ME SANO!!! *sighs dreamily*  
  
Kenshin: *gets all serious* not now, you idiot. Throw it to her.  
  
*Ryoko catches her sword*  
  
Ryoko: ready, Nagi? Nagi??? NAAGII???  
  
Nagi: O.O'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''  
  
Ryoko: is anybody hooome??? *waves a hand in front of her face*  
  
Nagi: *snaps out of her daydream* RYOKO YOU WON'T MAKE A FOOL OUT OF ME!!!!!!  
  
Ryoko: mmm... okeey.... alright... lets get at it...  
  
Nagi: Ryoko. Do you honestly expect to win a sword fight with that??? I mean an energy sword like mine would surely break it easily. After all, I want you to give me your best, before I kill you.  
  
Ryoko: worry about your own well-being. If I die, I'll take you with me.  
  
Nagi: *pissed off* FINE!!! *gets out her own sword and attacks Ryoko*  
  
So they fight, showing off great kaatas and moves. Ryoko is pushing Nagi back a lot. Kenshin is watching, fascinated.  
  
Kenshin: see, Sano. Ryoko has the upper hand in this fight. *Sano mumbles incoherently* Sano? *looks up at Sano and sees him drooling over Make-out paradise #102* SANOSUKE!!!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING???? YOUR FRIEND IS IN GREAT DANGER!!!!!!! GRAR!!! @.@  
  
Sanosuke: I know, I know. But I know Ryoko will win anyway, so what's the point of watching?  
  
Kenshin: look again, Sano.  
  
Nagi has wrapped her energy sword like a rope around Ryoko's neck and is dragging Ryoko around.  
  
Sanosuke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! RYOKO!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*----------------blackout-----------------*  
  
End of episode #5  
  
::cheap credits, but a nice ending theme::  
  
The screen is black and there is no noise. Suddenly Kenshin walk out into the middle of the screen.   
  
Kenshin: Hello there, guys. Um, you're probably wondering what will happen next ... right?  
  
*Sano comes running in*  
  
Sanosuke: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENNED??? WHERE IS MY HUNNY??? SHE WAS JUST THERE, AND NOW SHE'S GONE!!!!!!  
  
Kenshin: down, now Sano... this is the off-screen.  
  
Sanosuke: *sniff*sniff* whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! I WANT HER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kenshin: .' ummmmmmm... Anyways, I don't exactly know. I'm sure Ryoko is going to win...  
  
Sanosuke: DAMN RIGHT SHE IS!!!!!! GRAR!!! @.@  
  
Kenshin: hehe... see ya!  
  
Omake Theater   
  
A wind blows past..................  
  
Nothing here...........................  
  
It seems that Ryoko has destroyed the omake set.........  
  
Editor: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?????? WHAT DO YOU MEAN Ryoko DESTROYED THE SET??? WHAT A CHEAP ENDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Author: *crouching down in the corner and covered in bandages* umm... that was... what we wrote in the last omake...  
  
Editor: WE?!?!?!? WE??!?!?! WE DIDN'T WRITE IT, YOU DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRAR!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Author: *girly scream* don't hurt meee... noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*BAM* 


	6. uhuh just plain awful

A Samurai, a Demon, and a Ruffian  
  
Part #6   
  
A Demon, and another Demon  
  
Author and Editor: Hello there, otakus. We have decided to introduce new characters, which was pretty hard. I mean choosing the names, the looks, picking the personalities, the powers, and bleh, bleh, bleh. When you make a new character, it requires a lot of thought, and bleh, bleh, bleh... Anyways, the new character is....  
  
TAD-AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
Read on, dimwits.  
  
Kenshin: look again, Sano.  
  
Nagi has wrapped her energy sword like a rope around Ryoko's neck and is dragging Ryoko around.  
  
Sanosuke: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! RYOKO!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ryoko: *cough*cough* damn you!  
  
Nagi: *cackles evilly* is that all??? Its almost a disappointment!!! At least try, Ryoko!!! *smash*  
  
Ryoko clutches at her throat and crawls into a ball. Then suddenly, a wind comes sweeping through the street, coming from a huge burst of energy, from... where Ryoko used to be.  
  
Nagi: ...WHAT?!?!?! Where'd she go??? *looks around desperately* in front of me...? behind me...? CRAP!!!  
  
Kenshin: way to go Ryo-san!!! She's won this fight!!!   
  
Ryoko has zanzokened high into the air above Nagi, but Nagi hasn't seen her yet. Ryoko's throat is bleeding freely, but she doesn't seem to notice. Ryoko whips out her sword and is getting into position.  
  
Sanosuke: Isn't this your technique, Kenshin?  
  
Ryoko: *with the sun behind her back* RYU-ZAIZEN!!!   
  
Ryoko strikes at Nagi's front, while Nagi stands mesmerized. In a huge burst of blood and a scream, Nagi zanzokens off the planet. Ryoko lands cleanly on her two feet three seconds later. Then she does a bunch of complicated movements with her katana and flips it into her belt.   
  
Sanosuke and Kenshin: HELL YA!!!!!!! GO RYOKO!!!! AN-WAAAAA!!!! GOWAN!!!  
  
Ryoko smiles and gives them a thumbs up and then falls down flat on her face.  
  
Sanosuke: RYOKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Before they can do move or do anything, there is a huge explosion, and the space around Ryoko explodes.  
  
Kenshin: NOOOOO!!!! RYOKO!!! WHAT THE @#%$ HAPPENED?!?!!?!?   
  
Sanosuke falls over in shock. Kenshin stares.  
  
After the dust clears there is a form sitting next to Ryoko.  
  
Kenshin: DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HER!!!!   
  
The dust clears completely, and the two guys see a woman of middle height, with long pink hair and pretty eyes, wearing a pretty soft pastel colored cloak. She stands.  
  
Woman: *in a soft sweet voice* you have nothing to worry about. I'm a friend of Ryoko.  
  
Sanosuke: You lie! Ryoko doesn't believe in friends.  
  
Kenshin: *skeptically* that's right...  
  
Woman: well then too bad. *turns around to Ryoko and sits down to look at her*  
  
Sanosuke: DON'T YOU TOUCH HER!!!  
  
The woman shoots Sanosuke a dirty look and holds her hands over Ryoko's throat. Ryoko twitches and groans, and then lies still. Kenshin whips out his sword and points it at the woman. She looks up at him and her eyes light up in the way not unlike when Ryoko's eyes light up before a fight.  
  
Woman: Are you threatening me?  
  
Sanosuke: Damn right! What the hell did you do to Ryoko?  
  
Woman: Something you could've never done yourself, but should have long time ago.  
  
Sanosuke: *falls* *his eyes turn starlit and he starts crying* you KILLED Ryoko????  
  
Kenshin: gaaahhh!!!!! what did you just say??? You wanted kill Ryoko???  
  
Ryoko groans and sits up.  
  
Ryoko: ow, my head. What the @#$% happened? *looks around* hey, where's Nagi?  
  
*sees the woman* who the hell are y... ARIAKE????? IS THAT YOU, YOU OLD TWIT???  
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke: *completely clueless* ...Ariake...???  
  
Woman: Finally you're up, Ryoko! *runs over to her and hugs her*   
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke look on, flabbergasted.  
  
Ryoko: ...um...uh...  
  
Ariake: *smacks her really hard*  
  
Ryoko: OWWW!!! YOU STUPID IDIOT!!! YOU DO NOT JUST HIT AN INJURED PERSON!!!  
  
Ariake: YOU!!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING YOU JACKASS!!! GOING AGAINST NAGI AGAIN!!!  
  
Ryoko: YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE I CAN'T OR SHOULDN'T DO IT!!! WHAT IS JUST YOUR PROBLEM??? WHAT AM I A KID???  
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke: ... ... ... *sweatdrops* ... ... ...  
  
Ariake: YOU ARE BY MY STANDARDS!!! IF YOU AREN'T, THEN WHY DO YOU STILL ACT LIKE IT???  
  
Ryoko: SPEAKING OF THE WAY I ACT, WHY ARE YOU HERE, YOU CREEP??? HAVE YOU BEEN FOLLOWING ME, YOU STALKER???  
  
Ariake: (what does this have to do with anything???) FINE!!! NOW DON'T ACT LIKE YOU AREN'T HAPPY TO SEE ME!!!  
  
Ryoko: hn. I never said anything.   
  
Ariake: that's the problem right there. You don't know how to greet an old friend.  
  
Ryoko: bah, humbug.  
  
Ariake: awww... *hug*hug*hug*  
  
Ryoko: yeah, yeah, yeah... nice to see you too.  
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke: meow.  
  
Ryoko: thanks for healing me, Mel.  
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke: Ariake??? Mel??? What??? Mi confuzzled...  
  
Ariake: *turns and flashes a smile to them* heh-heh...   
  
End of episode #6  
  
::cheap credits, but a nice ending theme::  
  
Ariake: Hey everybody, Ariake here! Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm the new person. Well in the next episodes, you'll get to see more of me. Big woop, right? Anywas, cha-la-la!!! See ya!!!  
  
Omake Theater   
  
The guys rest after a hard day, behind the set. Ryoko and Ariake have taken off somewhere.  
  
Kenshin: gah, I'm soo tired...  
  
Sanosuke: yeah, I know. Where have the girlies gone??? Whaaa... I was hoping to go get a drink with Ryoko after the show...  
  
Kenshin: dream on, man.  
  
Sanosuke: are you saying that YOU have a better chance with her than I do???  
  
Kenshin: maybe. But I think more of her like a sister. Although I kind of like the new girl. *blush*  
  
Sanosuke: aww... you sly dog!!!  
  
Girl: Hey it's KENSHIN!!! Hey everybody, KENSHIN'S here!!! *runs up to him* oh my god!!!! Hi Kenshin!!! I'm Michelle, Michi for short!  
  
Kenshin: *overwhelmed and blushing* um... hi, Michi...  
  
Michelle: OMG!!! *completely lovestruck and heart-eyed* HE CALLED ME MICHI!!!  
  
Kenshin: heh...heh...*whispering* hey Sano, doesn't this remind you of anyone???   
  
Sanosuke: *comes up to the girl* hey, I'm Sano.  
  
Michelle: omg!!! SANO IS HERE TOO!!! *shouts out the door* HEY GUYS!!! BOTH KENSHIN AND SABOSUKE ARE HERE!!!  
  
Suddenly you hear the ground shaking, and out runs a mob of smitten teenage girls. The mob includes the Editor, Kira, Kelly, Carrie, Sandy, and Raye, Sasha, Excel, Hyatt and many more.  
  
All: WHERE?!?!?! WHERE ARE THE HUNKS???   
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke: OH CRAP!!! *hide under a blanket and slowly slip away*  
  
All: WHERE'D THEY GO, MISH???  
  
Sandy: GAHHH!!! THAT BLANKET MOVED!!!!   
  
Kelly goes up to the blanket and takes it off.  
  
Kelly: Hmm... what do we have here?   
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke: *running away* oooohh SHIT!!!   
  
They dash along the narrow hallways with the smitten mob behind them.  
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke: Ryoko!!!!!! HEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!! 


	7. ug as i said i suck at naming stuff

The Samurai, The Demon, and The Ruffian  
  
Part #7   
  
Sano go BOOM!!! (Editor: translation: Sanosuke's big fight ^^; eheheh...)  
  
Ryoko: thanks for healing me, Mel.  
  
Kenshin and Sanosuke: Ariake??? Mel??? What??? Mi confuzzled...  
  
Ariake: *turns and flashes a smile to them* heh-heh...   
  
Ryoko: my, this is awkward...  
  
Ariake: Ryoko, umm, well... INTRODUCE ME ALREADY!!!!!  
  
Ryoko: pushy, pushy... well then. *the guys come close*  
  
Ryoko: *points at Kenshin* Ariake, this is Sano. *points at Sanosuke* and this, is Kenshin.  
  
Sanosuke: I'M NOT KENSHIN!!! HE'S KENSHIN!!! *points at Kenshin* Jeez, Ryoko... We've known each other for at least 7 years, and you still cant get it right. Right, Kenshin?  
  
Kenshin: *staring at Ariake and drooling* wa-na-naaa...   
  
Sanosuke: jeez, man. What universe are you floating in?  
  
Ryoko: it's not like I messed up on purpose, Sano. (Sano: SHE CALLED ME SANO!!!) My vision got all fuzzy...   
  
Ariake: the one you called Sanosuke is creeping me out. He's slobbering all over my new cloak... ewwwwwww...  
  
Sanosuke: I'M SANOSUKE!!! HE'S KENSHIN!!! Jeez, you're almost as bad as Ryoko.  
  
Ryoko: WHAT'D YOU SAY?!? NO ONE IS AS BAD AS ME, YOU ASS!!! Sano: ;-.-; Anyways, excuse Kenshin's manners. He's never acted this stupid in the last 6 years...  
  
Ryoko: Kenshin! GET YOUR AMOROUS (Author's note #1: OOO!!! I learned this week that amorous doesn't mean lecherous, but I'll still use it AND YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, SO HA! but nevertheless...) CARCASS OFF ARIAKE, OR SHE'LL BE FORCED TO RETALIATE IT!!! (Author's note #2: ooo!! And I also learned what retaliation means, compliments of Mish, thanx Mish, but nevertheless...)  
  
Kenshin: *stops slobbering, but still is in his own little universe* wa-na-naaa...  
  
Sanosuke: *suddenly hears a noise and looks to its source while Ryoko and Ariake laugh it off* hey... isn't that Shikijo?  
  
Ryoko: *stops laughing* you mean Shikijo of the Oniwaban group? That old weakling still alive? Jeez...  
  
Shikijo: *bulldozing at them with his full speed* SANOSUKE!!!!!!! I'm GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS, ROAST YOUR BRAINS, AND SUCK THEM THROUGH A STRAW!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ariake: Shikijo??? What kind of weirdo is he???   
  
Ryoko: one dumb pillager, after another... what can a demon like me do? Oh me, oh my... so many wimps, so little time...  
  
Sanosuke: give this one to me, love. I defeated him the last time, so his ego is back for more.  
  
Ryoko and Ariake: LOVE?!?!?!?!??!? *through telepathy to one another* GAH!!!!  
  
Ariake: now, now Ryoko. Leave him alone. Lets see what he can do, when he's fighting for his Ryoko. (Ryoko: OH, I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS ARIAKE!!!)  
  
Kenshin: *snaps out of daydream and talks in his Battosai-da-manslayer voice* Shikijo proved to be weaker than Sano, the last time. But I'm afraid he has brought reinforcements.  
  
Ryoko: yeah, I think you're right... look at his weapon. It's a canon-ball on a chain, but it looks like its no ordinary weapon, like last time.   
  
Kenshin: I smell gunpowder and explosives.  
  
Ryoko: That means!!!   
  
Ryoko has a flashback: the last time Shikijo and Sanosuke fought, Sanosuke let the canon ball hit him, and then ripped it off.   
  
Ryoko and Kenshin: THAT MEANS...!!! NOO!!!  
  
The same second Ryoko realizes this, the cannonball is thrown toward Sanosuke and there is a huge explosion. When the dust clears, here is a huge crater, but no Sanosuke.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
End of episode #7  
  
::cheap credits, but a nice ending theme::  
  
Author: *cackles evilly* MWAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!! By the way, thanks guys for putting up with my stories, and keep it up. I hope next year, we'll see each other in some classes at least. If you want me to continue these, remind me, k??? cha-la-la!!! And good luck on ya'll exams!!!  
  
Omake Theater:   
  
Editor: Sorry guys, no omake this time. SOMEONE, not pointing any fingers, but *AHEM* Leena (the author) DIDN'T DO OMAKE THIS TIME!!!!!!!! GAAAAH!!! I'LL KILL HER!!!!!!!!!  
  
Author: *hiding behind a stack of paper and shaking* I thought she wasn't going to point any fingers.... GAH!!!!!!!! *the editor points a finger at the author and suddenly there is a huge blast and Leena is lying on the floor with a hole in her head*  
  
Editor: oops... I didn't mean it literally...(^.^') (jeez I'm so bad-ass today!) well I accidentally in cold blood murdered the author... well... I guess, she will use her great writing powers and recover herself in the next episode. Cha-cha!! Hehe... Leena? Are you really dead?? *poke*poke* 


End file.
